It had been twenty-one years of a heart aching for that special family presence at holiday time. Each year passing by with an unexplainable need to be a part of that special love only a family can bring…but I was away.
Year after year trying to fill the void, painstakingly carving out small traditions of my own to take the place of family. Wishing every year that we could find that little extra to travel home for the holidays, or maybe someone would make the trip and spend a Thanksgiving or Christmas with me. It was not meant to be, for this was the life I had chosen… I was away.
Oh how thrilled I was to be close to family again. I thought all of my dreams would come true now, only to find out that my “Norman Rockwell” dream of what it would be like to be in the bosom of ones family for the holidays was just that, a dream. Traditions had been carved out over those many years, traditions that did not include me…for I was away.
It has been a harsh reality being close to home now. Each holiday harder to cope with than the last. Chiseling away bit by bit at those rock hard traditions. Trying each year to claim a small piece that would have been mine…if I had not been away.
Sadly my heart tells me that the time for me is truly past. The dreams of my family sharing some of my traditions, seeing the angel upon my tree, sharing a meal around my table will stay just a dream. “Come along and join in,” I am told, as long as you are a part of the traditions that were made…while you were away.
Photo by Lilly Schelling © 2015
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